“You want to know the one truth I’ve learned in all my years? Life’s too hard to face sober.” – Octieve San, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim.
There, I helped! [smug face]
In all seriousness, getting advice is always helpful. Yes, it should be taken with a grain of salt, and not all advice is necessarily great or even decent. But even if it is crummy advice, it might just help put things into perspective, or give you a reason to laugh about it. So, win-win.
And maybe these tips from Reddit might be of use to you as older generations (everyone over 40) share the pearls of wisdom they’ve acquired throughout the years with the younger peeps of the internets.
More Info: Reddit
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Don't fall into the trap of thinking everyone else your age has something that you don't and you feel hopelessly behind and like a failure.
Once you're out of school, there are no timelines anymore. You are not supposed to do anything by any particular point in your life. Everyone is different.
You are not supposed to have had X number of sexual partners, had X number of relationships, be married, have a kid, own a house, have a dream job, or figure out your calling in life at any particular point - if at all.
Life is very long and you will have many chances to do things.
Make your own path.
You're not special, no one cares what you do and the sooner you can accept it, the sooner you can be at peace with yourself.
Stretch everyday or at least more then never. Stay limber and flexible because once it is gone, it’s almost impossible to get it back.
Bored Panda got a chance to speak to one of the submitters in the original post, and that is u/unabtaniuam.
In their submission, unabtaniuam took a very zen approach to advice, pointing out a number of universal, yet spot-on truths: life is short, be grateful, and learn to live in the present for the past is a mere memory now and the future is only up to our imagination at this point.
They cap off their thoughts by saying that folks, instead of accepting negative self dialogue, ought to observe so as to learn from it. In turn, "you are braver than you believe, smarter than you think, stronger than you seem and loved more than you know."
You aren't going to get rich as an influencer or become a professional gamer. Get educated and get a job.
It’s okay and healthy to sit in silence. Put down your phone, leave your earphones in your pocket, and just be. It’s important to not constantly be stimulated.
Don't cheap out on a mattress, pillows or shoes.
Cut back on the sugar.
Do NOT bring work home with you.
Cut s****y people out fast with a sharp knife. There are so many f*****g people on this planet, why give second chances? Also, family are friends you didn't get to decide to bring into your life, but should be held to the same expectations as non family members. So many toxic family members saying "but were family..."
In our interview with u/unabtaniuam, they elaborated that their advice comes from a difficult time, one that involved overcoming an addiction on their own.
"This is what helped me pull out of the lows in my life. I’ve always been pretty positive and had a deep understanding that there is more to life than the daily trivialities. Who helped? Eckhart Tolle, Alan Watts and Ram Dass. Spiritual gurus and yogis."
Avoid "toxic positivity" people. Actually, try to avoid all toxic people, "toxic positivity" is just a bit harder to recognise. It is ok to be not in a mood sometimes.
Take photos around where you live; streets, buildings, forests, etc. Because everything will look different in 20 years.
Don’t waste time being the person other people think you should be, and instead be the person you want to be
Love life it is short. Be grateful for everything. The biggest burden you’ll carry are your own thoughts. Learn to live in the present, the past is just a memory and the future is just your imagination. You don’t have to accept the negative self dialogue, be the watcher of those thoughts and learn to let them go. You are braver than you believe, smarter than you think, stronger than you seem and loved more than you know.
u/unabtaniuam focuses on a number of themes in their original thought: life and death, the burdens of time, thoughts, and negativity, just to name a few. But, according to them, the key is here is to tackle the negative and the critical.
"The critical judge in your head does not tell the truth and it does not have your best interest at heart. Recognize it and don’t accept it."
This then ties in well with the idea of observing it and learning from it, all the while negating its influence over the mind.
Don’t “wait to get in shape”
Start working out however is enjoyable to you so you avoid health risks later. Don’t wait to have to lose 30 lbs
Take care of your teeth. It's nice to have high standards, but it's even better to have a friend with you and not be alone.
I'm 56. You don't have as much time as you think you do. Don't waste it, don't waste a single f****** day. Do something everyday even if it's just something for yourself. Drink plenty of water and use sunscreen. Donating blood doesn't hurt that bad. Doing something you like for a living is more rewarding than doing something that pays even exceptionally well. I've done both and the former is preferable in my opinion. I'm rambling too much coffee😳😳
Fail more.
Fail all the time.
Set yourself up for failure.
Because what you will learn is that failure is not some horrible catastrophe, it's actually a part of a process of getting better at something or getting what you want. And going ahead into failure is often how you find yourself unexpectedly succeeding faster than you expected.
And the more you fail, the more you immunize yourself against the fear of it so you can get more of it. Failure is something you actually *need* in your life to really get the things you want.
Lastly, we asked if giving advice, whether to young folk, or anyone, really, is truly challenging. And u/unabtaniuam pointed out a concept that's very true with a lot of folks:
"I have found it is easy for me to give good advice from the heart. But at the same time hard for me to follow it for myself."
There is this idea that it can be difficult to follow your own advice because you are much closer to your own problems. And so, not only are you more aware of the context and nuances of it all, but your emotions are often also more powerful in clouding your judgment. But advice for others comes easier and more naturally as we are more distant from these factors, and thus can approach it with a clearer mind.
1. Upvotes and thumbsup from social media doesn't matter. Your job title on LinkedIn doesn't matter. **Like nobody cares.** Your children won't care, your loved ones won't care, your gravestone won't say anything about it.
2. Don't think you are the be all and end all when it comes to trends and social knowledge. 20 years from now your children will look back upon you as savages. This happens every generation. Think about context before you judge others.
3. One person already said it, **but don't think you are so special**. The trends of parents over the past 20-30 years (saying you are perfection) isn't helping you. Work hard, live a good life -- be kind to others, admit your mistakes. (Aside: I have two kids and worked really hard to make them feel loved while simultaneously making sure they take responsibility for their actions)
You know that dream that seems nuts to pursue?
Do it now.
When you’re old, with a house and a mortgage and a dog, s**t like “I want to make a movie” get much more complicated
Dull answers, but genuine ones:
- put more into your pension than you are now
- avoid debt where you can
- don't hold grudges
- look after your health
- learn to enjoy the now
- be nice to your parents. They might be d***s, but you'll probably still miss them
Enjoy your hairline/boobs, they aren't going to get better and you will fondly look back on where they were situated when you were younger and hotter.
Keep at a healthy weight/fitness level, and do more now than sitting around waiting for later.
Once you're out of school, don't keep the friends who bring you down, You really don't need that and the benefits no longer outweigh the drawbacks. You know what I mean, the friends who only call when they need something, the ones who make you feel bad when you fail and worse when you succeed. The friends who encourage you to do things you actually don't want to do and discourage you from growing as a person. Focus your time and effort on your high-quality friends. It's not about quantity anymore.
Keep active and eat well.
Basic advice can be trickier to implement than it seems. The path of least resistance is to grab the soda on the end cap at the store and to skip the gym because you're tired today. And it's really easy to rationalize *just for today* without recognizing what's become a pattern.
It always seems like there's tomorrow until the body gives out, and once that happens it can be a vicious cycle. Have seen people's knees start to go by their mid-twenties. Have seen people go through three back surgeries in their thirties. Have seen heart attacks end it before age fifty.
So two tips:
Find a sport you really enjoy. Once you find the sport you love, dig into the wallet for good equipment. This isn't a frivolous expense: it's an investment in yourself.
Learn to cook from scratch. You don't have to graze on "superfoods" from kale to purple cauliflower to whatever else is the fad this year. Instead, eat mostly healthful things and go light on the treats. This shouldn't feel blah: if something tastes like cardboard then don't eat it. Just aim for a reasonable balance and try to make the reasonable stuff tasty.
Don't take yourself too seriously, whatever you do you'll probably look back ten years later mildly mortified at how deep you thought you were.
You're just another confused human not destined for greatness and there's no grand scheme in which you matter one bit, so just chill.
If you have issues with your self confidence and depend on the validation of others, adress that s**t by whatever means are available to you. Nobody is going to do it for you and being insecure gets old fast.
Take care of your health. Wear sunscreen.
save money. work for a higher pay. value yourself. it's nice to live for today, but tomorrow is important too. absolutely do not fall into the trap of "my retirement plan is death" lest you be broke as a joke in old age. live within your means. delayed gratification is good. eat right. sleep right. exercise. never stop learning and using your brain. avoid hard vices. moderation is key. cherish the true friends you have. they're rare.
Roth IRA. Contribute until it hurts. By the time you make enough money that maxing it is easy, you won't be able to any more.
Don't party. Bar tabs are the dumbest way to spend your money. Don't jump from relationship to relationship. Learn how to be single and happy. Use condoms. They don't feel bad, people are just stupid. Even with a condom on, pull out anyway. Buy used cars and learn to work on them yourself. Anything you finance, pay more than your payment amount. Pay the principal balance down and save on interest. Find people that aren't surrounded by drama and be friends with them. Help little old ladies. When you start dating a girl, meet her parents. Make a good impression. Separate your colored clothes from your white clothes when you do laundry. Take your clothes out of the dryer as soon as they're dry and hang them up and you'll never have to worry about wrinkles. If something needs to be done, get up and do it right then and there. Don't procrastinate.
Have as much fun as possible. Try and enjoy the now and not get lost in the hope of the future. Figure out who you really are and learn to live with that person. Hold on to your friends for dear life. You make your close friends up to 30 and then spend the rest of your life doing things with them. Yes you can make friends later in life but it isn't the same.
Young people, you already know what is there right thing to do. Get on with it. You don't need some older person to tell you what to do.
Show up on time for work. Just because the job is easy or the work environment is laid back, it doesn't mean there aren't people tracking your attendance.
We've lost 2 people on our team in the last month who were pretty good, but they just couldn't show up on time. That badge you swipe every morning when you come in? Management tracks that s**t.
Along the same lines, it is important to be the "adult" in the room. If you were working at my office, and you wanted to get off of the night shift and come to days? I'd tell you "show up on time, and act like a grown up."
That's how I got promoted. Management went down the list and asked "who shows up, does their job, and doesn't cause drama?" That's all there was to it.
I'm 58. (1) You're an organic computer operating a meat puppet. Read the manual and follow the maintenance schedule. (2) Develop your own ethical code. Be vicious about applying it to yourself and avoid applying it to anyone else. (3) Self-awareness, self-worth, self-consciousness, self-care, and self-esteem all have one thing in common: you. No one else's opinion matters. Ever. (4) To thine own self be true. (5) Toxic people do not deserve a drop of your time, energy, or care. If they cared about you, they wouldn't be toxic to you. (6) Set your own goals in life, none of which should consist solely of "keeping up with" anyone else's accomplishments. (7) Speak out against injustice, even if you're not the one being treated unjustly. (8) Experiences are infinitely more precious than possessions. (9) Treat others the way you like to be treated.
No matter how careful you are, no matter how fit, no matter how well you eat, how much you exercise or how much sleep you get, you can get sick—very sick, very quickly. Some illnesses are in our genes and are out of our control. What matters, should that happen, is your attitude, and strength of character.
I'm 67. Life is a matter of balancing things out. Spend some money, save some money. Be careful to whom you open up. You can choose your friends but not your family, sometimes family are not friends. Travel. Eat and drink well but in moderation. Moderate exercise will help keep you healthy. Find a passion. Learn to play an instrument. Read. Love. When you lose someone close to you (which you will) it will change you, don't try to fight it but cherish the good memories you had with them. Treat others how you yourself would wish to be treated. Be honest to yourself and hold yourself accountable. Take the credit when it's due but own up and accept the blame when it's yours. Life is not easy, it will be full of detours. If you don't like the path you are on it's usually up to you to find another path. If you are wrong, do not be ashamed to admit it but learn from it. Nobody likes a liar. Trust is hard earned yet easy to lose. A man must know his limitations.
I'm 58. (1) You're an organic computer operating a meat puppet. Read the manual and follow the maintenance schedule. (2) Develop your own ethical code. Be vicious about applying it to yourself and avoid applying it to anyone else. (3) Self-awareness, self-worth, self-consciousness, self-care, and self-esteem all have one thing in common: you. No one else's opinion matters. Ever. (4) To thine own self be true. (5) Toxic people do not deserve a drop of your time, energy, or care. If they cared about you, they wouldn't be toxic to you. (6) Set your own goals in life, none of which should consist solely of "keeping up with" anyone else's accomplishments. (7) Speak out against injustice, even if you're not the one being treated unjustly. (8) Experiences are infinitely more precious than possessions. (9) Treat others the way you like to be treated.
No matter how careful you are, no matter how fit, no matter how well you eat, how much you exercise or how much sleep you get, you can get sick—very sick, very quickly. Some illnesses are in our genes and are out of our control. What matters, should that happen, is your attitude, and strength of character.
I'm 67. Life is a matter of balancing things out. Spend some money, save some money. Be careful to whom you open up. You can choose your friends but not your family, sometimes family are not friends. Travel. Eat and drink well but in moderation. Moderate exercise will help keep you healthy. Find a passion. Learn to play an instrument. Read. Love. When you lose someone close to you (which you will) it will change you, don't try to fight it but cherish the good memories you had with them. Treat others how you yourself would wish to be treated. Be honest to yourself and hold yourself accountable. Take the credit when it's due but own up and accept the blame when it's yours. Life is not easy, it will be full of detours. If you don't like the path you are on it's usually up to you to find another path. If you are wrong, do not be ashamed to admit it but learn from it. Nobody likes a liar. Trust is hard earned yet easy to lose. A man must know his limitations.
