SHOCKING: Apology notes - What They Never Told You

Saying "sorry" can be hard. You have to humble yourself before the other person and admit you did something wrong. However, apologizing is also undeniably effective. Hearing someone say "sorry" and seeing them admit their mistakes can be cathartic and make it that much easier to forgive people.

Although for some people, looking the person in the face as they hear "sorry" might be a prerequisite for a good apology, sometimes written apologies are more effective than verbal ones. A 2022 study found that people prefer to get a written apology for "integrity-based trust violations," like infidelity, covering up something, or sharing a secret.

However, in some cases, people prefer to hear "sorry" face to face. The researchers found that verbal apologies are more effective against "competency-based trust violations." For example, when missing a deadline at work, bosses would much rather hear their employee say "sorry" in person.

A good example of competency-based trust violations in relationships can be forgetting anniversaries, forgetting to book accommodation for a group trip when you were the designated one to do it, or even escalating arguments because you can't handle criticism. "When trust violation involves competence, trust is better repaired by responding with a verbal apology rather than a written one," the researchers concluded.

In the end, whether the apology is written or verbal, what matters most is the act itself. A 2020 study explored how apologies affect people psychophysiologically. It found that apologies can increase empathy, forgiveness, gratitude, and other positive emotions. The study also observed that apologies can have a calming effect on us: they calm people's heart rates, reduce cardiac stress, and relax muscle activity under people's eyes.

Today, we're told that our attention spans are fried and we can't concentrate for longer than 30 seconds. But when it comes to apologies, this couldn't be further from the truth. It turns out that people prefer longer apologies than short ones. So, a simple "sorry" might seem insincere, whereas a long and wordy letter is perceived as genuine.

A 2025 study, published in the British Journal of Psychology, explored how people deem longer apologies more apologetic. In essence, people think that others are more genuine when they spend more time thinking about, crafting, and delivering their apologies. "An apology may appear more genuine if it costs someone more to say it – and that can mean the time taken to say or type long words," the author of the study, Dr. Shiri Lev-Ari, told The Guardian.

If you've ever been cautious of apologizing too much or too often, don't sweat it – those who say "sorry" often are seen as warmer, more approachable people. According to a 2023 study, people see frequent apologizers as more communal and pleasant. However, if the apologies are very frequent and of low quality, people tend to see such individuals as less confident, indecisive, and lacking authority.

The words people use in their apologies matter, too. It matters what words you use depending on whether you're a man or a woman. Research shows that apologies are more effective when we go against gender stereotypes. "We found that women delivering masculine-style apologies benefited because they were seen as displaying higher levels of assertiveness and enhancing their perceived competence," the co-author of a 2023 study, Sarah Doyle, explained.

Similarly, when men used more "feminine" language in their apologies, they were more likely to be perceived positively, too. "The men delivering apologies with more stereotypically feminine language were seen as having greater interpersonal sensitivity that enhanced their perceived benevolence or warmth," Doyle added.

Doyle and her colleagues looked at celebrities' apologies on X (formerly Twitter). The researchers noticed that women especially (like Lizzo, Kendra Wilkinson) benefited in the eyes of the platform users when they used assertive, "agentic" language. A one point increase in such language would result in an average of more than 17,000 additional "likes."

"It's not just about whether people should apologize more or less, but how we can construct apologies differently," Doyle believes. "It's what you include in that apology that's really going to matter."

What do you think of these apologies, Pandas? Have any of them tickled your heart or your funny bone? What do you think is the best way to apologize? Let us know your thoughts in the comments! And if you're in the mood for even more hilarious apology notes, be sure to check out some right here!