How a person behaves during a surge of feelings varies from person to person and, often, from situation to situation. Sometimes, caught up in emotions, we might say or do something we will later regret.
Or, on the contrary, blame ourselves for not responding at all. While some say that the best comeback to an insult or a fight is no comeback at all, it’s not always possible nor desirable. And sometimes, some nasty yet savage comebacks may come out of one's mouth and burn as hot as ice.
In no way do we promote rudeness; we strongly encourage not engaging in mean behavior instead. However, some humans are natural-born savages with the best comebacks just piping hot and ready to be served at the first opportunity.
Hence, there is an abundance of savage insults and comebacks on the internet. Yet, while we do not encourage you to seek inspiration from there, some of the best comebacks to a rude person are genuinely stone-cold-blooded and, well, impressive. Let's give them that.
Below, we've compiled a list of the best comebacks that would certainly leave any bully or hater speechless.
Also, this is some good banter material if your friends get the joke and won't be offended, as long as this witty banter doesn't turn into bullying!
Nevertheless, these savage comebacks are a frolic to read, so scroll below and upvote the wildest, most brutal, best comebacks ever!
I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.
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I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
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I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed.
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Somewhere out there, there's a tree working very hard to produce oxygen so that you can breathe.
I think you should go and apologize to it.
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It’s kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.
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I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.
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I am returning your nose.
I found it in my business.
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Don’t be ashamed of who you are.
That’s your parent’s job.
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Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you really abuse the privilege.
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You are like a cloud.
When you disappear it’s a beautiful day.
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Scientists say the universe is made up of neutrons, protons and electrons.
They forgot to mention morons.
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Remember when I asked for your opinion?
Me neither.
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You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.
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I’ll never forget the first time we met.
But I’ll keep trying.
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Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?
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Light travels faster than sound which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
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You’re not simply a drama queen.
You’re the whole royal family.
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Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.
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I love the sound you make when you shut up.
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Have a nice day, somewhere else.
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I thought of you today.
It reminded me to take out the trash.
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Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain.
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I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.
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You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about.
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I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
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Someday you’ll go far… and I hope you stay there.
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Don’t you get tired of putting make up on two faces every morning?
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Please, keep talking.
I always yawn when I am interested.
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May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm.
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You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.
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I’ve been called worse by better.
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The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.
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I understand everything you said.
I’m choosing to ignore you.
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Please just tell me you don’t plan to home-school your kids.
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If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.
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Too bad you can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.
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You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.
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Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
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I envy people who have never met you.
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Don’t blame me for your stupidity.
Take that up with your mom and dad.
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Feed your own ego.
I’m busy.
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You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
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You should really come with a warning label.
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Save your breath – you’ll need it to blow up your date.
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Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon or is that it?
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This is a lose-lose situation for me.
I lose my valuable time and any semblance of compassion I had left.
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It’s better to let someone think you’re stupid than open your mouth and prove it.
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Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?
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Stupidity’s not a crime, so you’re free to go.
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You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
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Your only purpose in life is as an organ donor.
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You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
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People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore.
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Your skin is glowing, but I think it’s from the radiation emanating from your toxic personality.
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I can’t think of anything to celebrate on your birthday except you being closer to death.
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I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission.
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Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results.
Good news – they found your head.
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Aww, it’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.
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I hear there’s a new app called a sense of humor.
You should try downloading it.
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I’d spell it out for you, but that’s assuming you know your ABC’s.
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Hey, your village called – they want their idiot back.
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Do you always act like an idiot or do you just show off when I’m around?
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I’ve got higher heels than your standards.
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You are the architect of your life.
Unfortunately, the blueprints are messy, written in Mandarin, and waterlogged beyond all recognition. Good luck.
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I’m sorry I didn’t get that – I don’t speak idiot.
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If you were an inanimate object, you’d be a participation trophy.
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If you’re waiting for me to care, you better pack a lunch.
It’s going to be a while.
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You are the human version of period cramps.
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You’re impossible to underestimate.
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I must have been imagining things. For a second there, I thought you made a valid point.
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It takes me a lot of effort to smile when you’re around.
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Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?
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If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
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Your absence would affect me greatly.
I’d finally get some peace and quiet.
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Row, row, row your boat gently down a raging waterfall.
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Brains aren’t everything.
In your case they’re nothing.
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You are so full of crap, the toilet’s jealous.
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If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.
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I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.
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Jealousy is a disease.
Get well soon.
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Earth is full.
Go home.
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All mistakes are fixable, yet you aren’t.
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I love what you’ve done with your hair.
How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
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Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
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I’d slap you but I don’t want to make your face look any better.
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Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up?
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Were you born on the highway?
That is where most accidents happen.
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Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it.
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I typed "Idiot" into Google yesterday.
Your picture came up.
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You know, you’d be much more likable if it wasn’t for that hole in your mouth that noise comes out of.
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Hold still.
I’m trying to imagine you with personality.
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There are some remarkably dumb people in this world.
Thanks for helping me understand that.
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The Department of Homeland Security added your existence to the list of “Natural Disasters.”
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Grab a straw, because you suck.
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I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up your butt.
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Your face makes onions cry.
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That sounds like a you problem.
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Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
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Jesus loves you… but everyone else thinks you’re an idiot.
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What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.
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When you were born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to your dad:
“I’m very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through.”
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Your secrets are always safe with me.
I never even listen when you tell me them.
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I told my therapist about you.
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You’re the corner piece to an unsolvable puzzle.
Everyone looks right past you.
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I’m not going to repeat myself, but I’m also glad to do anything that prevents you from talking.
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If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
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You need a kiss on the neck from a crocodile.
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Some people hatch into beautiful butterflies.
Some people hatch into whatever the hell you are.
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I don’t want to rain on your parade.
I want a typhoon.
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I’m surprised your teeth aren’t brown from all that nonsense-talking you do.
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Did God make you with his eyes closed?
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The 0.01% of germs are afraid of contracting stupidity from you.
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I wanted to live life without many regrets.
Then I met you.
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I may love to shop but I’m not buying your bull.
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People like you are the reason I’m on medication.
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You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
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Don’t worry. Everyone makes mistakes.
Your parents, for one.
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Louie Armstrong would have never released “What a Wonderful World” had he met you.
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You’re an unscented candle in a store full of beautiful fragrances.
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You’re lucky intelligence isn’t measured in negative numbers.
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Your lips keep moving but all I hear is “Blah, blah, blah.”
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Just because you have one doesn’t mean you need to act like one.
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You’re not as dumb as you look.
I mean, how could you be?
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I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.
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I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.
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The zoo called.
They’re wondering how you got out of your cage?
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Isn’t there a bullet somewhere you could be jumping in front of?
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You’re like the end pieces of a loaf of bread.
Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.
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They say our brains don’t stop developing until we reach 25; looks like yours stopped a bit early.
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I didn’t put garlic over my door because I think you’re a vampire.
It just smells much better than you.
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You’re like my fridge: always full of yourself yet offering an abundance of empty calories.
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Did you know they used to be called “Jumpolines” until your mum jumped on one?
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You’re such a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful person.
Oh I’m sorry, I thought we were having a lying competition.
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You see that door?
I want you on the other side of it.
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If you’re going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard.
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You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
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If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?
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Don’t get bitter, just get better.
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Who ate your bowl of sunshine this morning, thundercloud?
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No amount of self-editing can fix the massive failure your autobiography would be.
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You’re the type of person that uses their 3rd grade research paper as a resume booster.
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The amount of meaningful things you’ve done in your life wouldn’t be enough to fill a single page.
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I’d hate to come across a universe where you’re funny.
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You’re the reason the divorce rate is so high.
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I just stepped in something that was smarter than you… and smelled better too.
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Child, I’ve forgotten more than you ever knew.
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You’re my favorite person...
Besides every other person I’ve ever met.
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Are all your friends this stupid as well?
Maybe we can invite them over and, together, you’d constitute one working brain cell.
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You’re so ugly when you look in the mirror, your reflection looks away.
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You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth.
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The series of mental backflips I had to do to try and understand your point should have broken my neck.
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Good job. You almost reached a level of coherency resembling my newborn son.
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I’m sorry, was I meant to be offended?
The only thing offending me is your face.
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I would like some tips on how to clear my mind from someone with nothing meaningful to contribute.
Care to help?
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Funny, I don’t remember you raising your hand.
I’m going to call on someone else.
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Don’t place your self-worth in other’s hands.
That being said, allow me to redirect you to the discount section. I found a spot for you.
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Don’t worry about me.
Worry about your eyebrows.
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You look like a ‘before’ picture.
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The fact that someone wakes up to your face in the morning should be alarming.
And yes, I’m referring to the mirror as well.
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A corpse is better company than you.
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I’ve never had many life goals.
I’m just really grateful I’m not you.
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Has anyone ever tried to smack some sense into you?
Allow me to be the first one.
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When they said grow a pair, they didn’t mean for you to have kids.
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I applaud your effort, but I think I’m the only one in the audience.
And I’m leaving early.
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Did I hurt your ego? Do you want a kissy on your boo-boo?
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Every cloud has a silver lining.
I’m still trying to figure out yours.
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If you ever cross my mind, I’ll make sure it’s a busy intersection.
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If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
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Hey, you have something on your chin… no, the 3rd one down.
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What’s the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
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If I wanted to hear from a butt, I’d fart.
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You hit the nail right on the head.
Too bad your parents took it literally.
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I don’t have any trash to take out today, but I volunteer you as tribute.
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The truth will set you free. You suck.
Ok, you’re free to go.
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The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait.
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It looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.
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If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.
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The jerk store called, they’re running out of you.
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You look like something that came out of a slow cooker.
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I like you just the way you are: uninspiring, uninteresting, and dreadfully unfunny.
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Your brain is working overtime today. You better pay it extra.
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I’m an acquired taste.
Don’t like me, acquire some taste.
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Earth has a population of over 7 billion, and I had to meet the biggest loser imaginable.
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Glad I could be of assistance.
Allow me to assist you in never walking again.
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You’re so fat you could sell shade.
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No, those pants don’t make you look fatter – how could they?
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Where’d you get your clothes, girl, American Apparently Not?
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Large and in charge isn’t your excuse to be a fat douchebag.
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When God made you, you must have been on the bottom of his “to-do” list.
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You’ve got something on your face.
No, not there — everywhere.
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The song “Army of One” is an ode to your loneliness.
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If I had a face like yours I’d sue my parents.
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Navigating the world of wit and comebacks can sometimes feel like entertaining a crowd with sharp humor.
Just as vampire jokes bring laughter to a room, the perfect comeback can cut through tension and leave everyone chuckling. Humor, after all, is about timing and delivery, similar to how jokes about ethereal creatures can lighten the mood.
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