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Reading the room is one of those social skills most of us think we’ve mastered, until we find ourselves in a situation where it really matters. And few places test that ability more than a funeral.
People are grieving, reconnecting with family members, and sometimes just trying to get through the day. It’s an emotionally charged space, and that alone can make people say or do things that feel out of place — whether intentional or not.
Sometimes it’s something small but jarring, like a phone ringing loudly in the middle of a eulogy. Other times, it’s someone commenting on the quality of the food at the service.
These awkward and inappropriate moments have been widely shared online, and we’ve rounded up some of the worst funeral faux pas to avoid at all costs.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
OK, this was the night before the funeral, and I posted it about a month ago, but it seems apt to repost here:
My Mom's dad had passed away a couple of days previously. The night before the funeral, a dark and stormy night, the funeral home called at 9pm to tell my mom she had forgotten a tie for the suit for tomorrow's showing. She freaked out, realizing she would have to drive over to the nursing home to fetch a tie and then drive to the funeral home.
Dad, who loved himself his clip-on ties and had many of them, said, "Oh, don't go doing that trip on a night like tonight and at this time of night! Just grab one of my clip-on ties and take it with you in the morning."
My mom, who actually hated that my dad had never learned to tie a tie, responded without missing a beat: "My father wouldn't be caught dead wearing a clip-on tie!"
Seconds after she realized what she had said, she burst into tears.
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#2
My aunt passed away. Her husband has Asperger's and didn't really know how to cope with social situations; that was always her job. She chose to be cremated and have her ashes incorporated into a reef ball, so at the funeral I asked my uncle how long the reef ball would be around and after a few conversational rabbit holes we ended up talking about the percentage of my aunt that was in the atmosphere vs. the percentage that ended up in the reef ball (because of the cremation process).
My uncle and I didn't realize this was weird, until my mom tapped me on the shoulder and we realized the entire funeral party was looking on in horror. My uncle is chill though, we still talk. My aunt didn't have a lot of money and regretted that she couldn't leave me anything, so after his business started doing better a few years later he bought me my first car in her honor.
Funerals are delicate affairs and every word carries weight. Yet, many people don’t know the very basics of funeral etiquette and often end up saying most the insensitive things.
One of the most common explanations is uncertainty. When faced with grief, many people feel pressure to say something, but don’t have the language for it.
Some also fail to understand the effect their words have on another person; they simply say what they want and move on, without considering the impact.
And that’s how you end up with comments that sound tone-deaf that were just rushed out to fill the silence.
#3
My grandma died before my grandpa. Since my grandpa was a navy veteran (WWII and Pearl Harbor survivor), he got a free plot in a military cemetery. At this cemetery, they stack married couples one on top of the other.
So, we are at the cemetery, and they are lowering my grandma down, and my grandpa asks, "so, if I had died first, they would have put me in first and put her on top of me?"
The cemetery worker said, "yep."
My grandpa responded, "huh. We never tried it that way before.".
#4
At my grans funeral my dad was giving a eulogy when he stopped and sneezed - but naturally turned his head away from the crowd and sneezed right on grannys coffin. He says 'sorry mum' and then carries on regardless. My aunt is crying her eyes out and until he finished everyone realised it was because she was actually crying with laughter!
EDIT: To clarify, the sneeze and its direction was the worst bit! Wasn't a small one either.
Grief also makes people uneasy.
Studies show that after a loss, social interactions often become strained because others don’t know how to engage. They sometimes even change the subject or avoid the topic entirely.
That discomfort can lead to awkward jokes, overly practical comments or casual remarks — all of which can feel inappropriate in the moment.
#5
My father's phone ringing during the middle of a eulogy. His ring tone is the stabby music from psycho. I was sitting right next to him doing the best I could to sink through the pew I was sitting in.
#6
The day before my aunts funeral. She died on her 30th birthday and passed from cancer. The whole family was together at the funeral home and decided to sing happy birthday. At the end of the song, my father, who would never try to do anything offensive to anyone in the world said "And many more!".... Then realizing what he said started to cry. He has never said it at anyone's birthday ever since. This was 18 years ago.
#7
My grandfather had Altzheimer's for a few years and finally died from it. I saw him 2 weeks before he died (I was in the Marines and flew home to see him) and right before I left to go back to San Diego, he had a couple of minutes of clarity and recognized me and his face lit up. I'll always cherish that.
Anyway, at the funeral a few weeks later, the immediate family went into the room for private family time to see him in his casket. My mom had made the comment to my grandmother that he looked really good in his suit. My grandmother, not missing a beat, said, "at least he's not freaking snoring." We all lost it and were laughing hysterically for a good 15 minutes.
Grief is not a one-size-fits-all experience, yet, people usually fall back on familiar phrases when unsure. They might say things like “everything happens for a reason” or “they’re in a better place.”
But research shows that these kinds of platitudes are often seen as unhelpful or even hurtful by those grieving.
A study found that more than 60% of grieving participants reported receiving comments they considered unhelpful.
These included remarks that tried to highlight the “positive” side of their loved one’s passing away or reassurances that time would “heal” everything. People also made comparisons to others who had it worse, or suggestions that they would eventually “get over it.”
#9
Widow:"it's very important for me that you could make it here"
Deceased's friend:"it's been a pleasure"
Silence.
#10
"My father was married 4 times. I believe the two that he honestly loved the most were the first, my mother, and the last, his widow."
Said by my uncle with all ex 3 wives in the audience.
Another reason people might say inappropriate things at a funeral could be stress.
Research shows that intense emotional stress can disrupt attention and memory, and lead to confusion and poor judgment.
So even people who normally read social situations well may say the wrong name or speak at the wrong time.
#11
My grandmother and my great aunt were super close; they did everything together. My great aunt died in a fairly routine surgery, and it was sort of the first look we got at my grandmother's debilitating dementia. Like somehow her sister and law kept her grounded, but with her dead, my grandmother went totally off the deep end. More or less immediately.
At the wake she constantly complained about how bored she was, and about how my great aunt was so fat she had it coming (debatable). Eventually she kicked off her shoes and sang and danced around the funeral home, saying we were being no fun.
She gave everyone who came to pay their respects a hard time. The worst of which was some little old man I'd never seen before. She was like "Are you the one whose sled I stole when we were kids and you went running home crying to your mommy?" She wasn't joking, she was being a d**k.
It was. That poor old man.
Eventually we took shifts taking her outside for cigarettes so she wouldn't disrupt things further.
She lived on her own for a few months before it was obvious she needed constant care, and she went off to a nursing home, where she died less than a year after her lifelong friend.
Dementia is a mother f****r.
#12
The priest said the complete wrong name at my mothers funeral within the first 5 mins.....Then he said it wrong again. It was at this point my brother stood up and yelled at the priest in a packed funeral. No one in my family steps foot in that church anymore.
#13
At my grandfather's funeral, the pastor at the church my grandfather (and most of our family) went to was presiding over it, and during her speech let out some commentary about "how my grandfather was a real father, not like all the baby daddies of this current generation, running around from woman to woman, doing what they please".
We got what she was trying to say, and while it was true, there are many, many better ways to word a sentiment like that. My parents were rightfully pissed.
Con O Cuinn 2 hours ago
Priest at my friend's funeral went on a tangent criticising the upcoming abortion referendum.
You wouldn’t normally think of humor and funerals in the same sentence, but some people, and even entire cultures, lean on it to cope or take the edge off grief.
Sure, cracking jokes at a funeral can totally backfire, but when done right, it can actually be comforting.
For example, laughing isn’t just allowed, it’s expected at Irish wakes. Friends and family swap hilarious stories and silly memories of the person who passed, turning grief into something a bit lighter, if only for a while.
Even high-profile funerals can go this route. At George HW Bush’s state funeral in 2018, humor was a big part of the service. Speakers shared funny one-liners and playful anecdotes about the late president, which helped balance the sadness with a reminder of who he really was.
In Korea, some traditional funeral rituals have historically included playful, laughter-filled moments as a way to mark a “good death.”
#14
Me and my 3 sisters were sitting waiting for our Dad's funeral to start. My uncle (mom's side) came up to us, trying to make small talk and then said "Oh cmon! Lighten up! I've never seen you girls so down."
What the f**k dude - we're at our Dads funeral who died in his mid 40s unexpectedly. What do you expect us to be like?
Also, my aunt came up to me and yelled at me for calling her a b***h during his visitation while I was next to his urn. She made a huge scene it was horrible.
#15
At my Great Uncle's funeral some distant family member who was the pastor at some church made the weirdest comment. He said that he was in a better place especially since he was buried, because when Armageddon comes the dead will rise up to form Jesus's army. Those who are cremated or prepared in another fashion would not be able to help in the war against the devil.
#16
My dad's mother died a couple of years before I was born. Grandfather remarried and my dad and his siblings never got on with her children (rude, arrogant, selfish etc). When us kids started coming along, they were at least fairly cordial with each other and agreed to keep the families separate.
When my grandfather died a few years ago, his wife's friends were giving speeches and saying how he never smoked, liked God etc. Dad got up, looked at them and called b******t. He was a boxer in Wales, smoked a pipe, Rugby ref, didn't mind a drink and dad couldn't remember the last time he went to church.
Utter silence.
Some traditionalists might argue that wearing bright colors to funerals makes light of the situation. But in the past decade, there’s been a rise of the “happy funeral,” with celebration becoming a well-established funeral trend.
In the UK, a survey from funeral directors found that 68% of people now think funerals should feel more like a celebration of life than just a solemn reflection.
More families are ditching all‑black dress codes and asking guests to wear favorite colors or casual clothes that reflect the person who passed away.
Requests now range from Dr Who‑themed farewells and glitter‑covered coffins to mourners turning up in football shirts instead of all‑black attire. Directors have even been asked to hold ceremonies on London buses, at castles, or in cricket pavilions, as families try to make the day feel more personal and less solemn.
These examples show that funerals are deeply personal — what’s totally cringe to one person might feel just right to someone else.
#17
My girlfriend loves heavy metal. When her grandmother passed away and the body/coffin was brought back to the house, my girlfriends mother told her to go change quickly after noticing my girlfriend was wearing a band shirt with "Are You Dead Yet" on it.
#18
Didn't know my Dad's family. At the cemetery they're all off by themselves while we wait for the hearse with the ashes to show up. I walk over and say, "It's now 1:05. My father is late for his own funeral." No one said anything. They just moved slowly away.
#19
My SO, who is very awkward when it comes to feelings, used one of his classics at one of our friend's funeral. She died unexpectedly at 27. Her best ( male ) friend ( which is a very close friend of ours ), in tears and all broken up, says " Ain't she pretty tho ? " and SO replies softly ".. I'd still do her.." Cue the awkward silence for a good 3 seconds. And then the best friend bursts into tears and laughter. " You d*****s! I needed that, thanks".
Even though funerals are different for everyone, there’s no doubt that such an environment demands its own kind of decorum.
But funeral etiquette isn’t about rigid rules, it’s about respect and sensitivity.
Here are some simple rules to follow just to be safe:
- Don’t try to one‑up someone’s grief or assume you “get it”
- A simple “I’m so sorry for your loss” or sharing a brief memory of the person is always better
- Avoid heavy opinions, controversial topics, or discussing your own grief during the service — this day isn’t about you
- Make sure to switch off or keep your phone on silent, especially during the service
- Being overdressed or underdressed, chatting loudly, arriving late, or leaving early can make others uncomfortable.
Basically, simple words and gestures go a long way... and often mean more than trying too hard to say, or do, the perfect thing.
#20
'Don't worry, you'll be with him soon' - my sister to my grandma at my grandad's funeral.
My grandma was crying, me and my family aren't openly emotional people so I still give her credit for trying.
#21
My mom died at a pretty young age. She was 36. I had just turned 18 a few months before she died (they had kids young back then). I remember at her funereal my grandmother, her mom, told my dad he would meet someone else and move on. She was literally less than 8 feet from my moms dead body. My grandma had some sort of brain damage or dementia or something so everyone just sort of shrugged it off. In hindsight it was actually sort of funny considering how ditzy my granny was. But still super cringeworthy all the same.
#22
My maternal grandmother walked up to me at my paternal grandmother's funeral and greeted me by saying "There you are you g*****n little s**t. Why don't you call me more? Don't you love me?"
She then proceeded to march up and rearrange all of the flower arrangements so the (small, pitiful, half-dead) one she sent would be in the front.
For reference, she's in her 90s, mostly deaf, just about as high on the narcissism spectrum as you can get, and has suspected borderline personality disorder. I can't imagine why I don't call her more often.
#23
My mum's boyfriend was looking around the room during my grandma's committal, and remarked how this room would make a great sauna...
We all looked at each other and the sudden realisation of what he said washed over his face. Thankfully we're an easy going family and had a good laugh about it after.
#24
My friend Jeff's dad had passed. At the wake, I met Jeff's grandparents who were standing beside the open casket. I was very awkward and nervous and didn't really know what to say to them. I wanted to explain that I was the friend of their son's son, but instead , out comes " Hi, I'm Jeff's dad." As in, hi , I'm the guy in the casket. They understood just the same.
#25
My sister in law, who was VERY pregnant at the time, was asked how she is doing at my grandmas funeral by my aunt. She replied, "im alive so cant complain".
She instantly regretted her choice of words. Lol.
#26
My husband has a wickedly DARK sense of humor, and so does most of his friends. Recently, one of our mutual friends committed s*****e (9mm to the forehead- this is actually important later). We all rushed over to his house & found him. While waiting for the police & the coroner, we were in shock, NGL. One way we coped was by trading an invisible trophy for the worst jokes we could come up with.
Highlights were:
"He always did complain that he was scatterbrained."
"Well now his mom can finally remodel his room."
"But he just repainted that carpet!"
... We're awful people but it's what our friend would have wanted. We're having the trophy made. My husband currently has the title.
Edit: wanted to add an anecdote from the actual funeral- our friend was a "converted jew"- he wanted to be jewish and practiced the religion even though he wasn't officially jewish. His mother insisted on a catholic funeral. The priest at the funeral insisted that anyone who wasn't catholic shouldn't come up for communion during the service. His mother & the priest both knew he was Jewish, too.
His mom deserves to burn in hell.
#27
My friend is basically a Halloween enthusiast sort of person and consequently her kids knew all about various monsters from a young age. Anyway, she took her young daughter to an open-casket funeral and, midway through the service, the kid loudly said, "Mommy, Mommy, when's the vampire going to wake up?".
#28
My mom called me in the middle of the night and told me, "Grandma died. Can you come home?" I was in the Army at the time in NC and went through the channels to get emergency leave. I drove straight into Texas the next day.
I hadn't stopped to rest and kept going right to my grandmother's hometown funeral parlor. When I arrived, my mom met me at the door and asked if I'd like to go see grandma.
So, my mom and I went into the viewing room and I took a look into the casket. I said, "Oh, s**t......that's not the grandma I thought had died!!!!" My mom look bewildered at first but began to laugh after a few seconds as the truth of the situation hit her.
I had two grandmothers---one was sweet and kind while the other was a b***h from Hell. In my haste, I had assumed my favorite grandmother had passed away instead of the evil one.
I'm just glad none of my other family heard me say what I said.
#29
They wanted me to speak at my dads funeral and i literally said "what am i supposed to say? i didnt like him".
Gingersnap In Iowa 1 hour ago
When my Mom died I went to the funeral home with 2 of her sisters to meet with me pastor who performed the service. I explained to the pastor that I loved my Mother but I did not like her.
#30
One of my good friends k****d himself a few years back. He wasn't religious. At all. One kid who was a few grades above us and one of those reborn christian types decided he would speak at the funeral. (The parents of my friend asked that instead of a eulogy, they'd have all his loved ones share some memories.) So, this kid goes up to the podium and goes on a long winded rant about religion and how this loss of life wasn't fair. Then he openly pondered whether my friend was in hell or not because s*****e is a sin. Nobody stopped him, though. We were all kind of sitting their with our mouths opened waiting for him to stop. I'll never forget that.
#31
Not the worst at all, but memorable. When my mom died a few years ago, my daughter was only about 2 years old. My aunt, mom's sister, had gone to use the bathroom in the funeral home and my daughter followed her in, crawled into the stall and had a typical 2 year old conversation with my aunt. ("whatcha doin? Do you like frogs?".
#32
My own f*****g father, after my grandpa's funeral.
This was my mom's father and he was very well-loved.
After the service my mom remarked about how she really enjoyed the priest's eulogy.
Dad: "He probably says the same thing about everyone.".
#33
I guess this isn't a "worst thing" per se, but apparently it's pretty common at southern funerals for the pastor to spend a little time during the eulogy inviting attendees from other churches to come to the deceased's church instead.
So. F*****g. Inappropriate. Hawk your business somewhere else, padre.
Lost Panda 1 hour ago
Yeah, that or "Haven't seen you in church in awhile. You should come back [insert name here] would have loved that."
#34
My dad's a minister, and since him and my mum had divorced, he would often bring me along for work that happened outside of school hours so he didn't have to pay a babysitter. He would bring me to funerals and weddings he was officiating. I would usually just hang out in the back and play. One day he brought me to a funeral parlor I wasn't familiar with and at some point during the service I had to pee. There wasn't anyone around to ask so I just kind of wandered out into the service and asked my dad where the bathroom was because I had to pee "real bad". In addition to disrupting a funeral service, I also asked my question right into the microphone on his jacket so the whole congregation heard. Didn't really understand what I had done for another few years.
#35
The vicar hurried the deceased's brother off stage in the middle of a very emotionally charged speech in order to recite the Lord's Prayer. For the least religious guy's funeral and everybody knew it.
#36
Idk if this counts but the priest who spoke at my great grandmothers funeral was trying to depress my grandfather even worse than he already was. They were together like 70 years. The Preist kept saying things like
"I know you're broken inside and nothing can ever make it better."
"What can we say at this time to help you? There's is nothing. She is gone and she is never, ever, coming back"
"For so long you were two and now you will be alone until it is your turn to pass away, probably not long from now."
Etc... idk why but my sister and I were like W*f is up with this guy and we made a face at each other which caused us to laugh and we had to leave the church cause we were laughing so hard.
#37
My dad had a *horrible* last five years of his life. I was a kid and lost a huge part of my childhood because of all of it and while I don't think about it, it did damage. He died when I was 14.
At the funeral, the minister (who met my mom and old brother..and a few others to come up with something to say since he never met my dad), went on and on about how good my dad was to his son, and sons kids, and wife, and nieces and nephews and told stories about people from 40 years prior. I was never mentioned. No one would have known he had a daughter.. one that grew up in the house (and hospitals and nursing homes) and.. but f**k it. It just bugged me was all. I do feel guilty about feeling like that, because it's selfish, but still.
Claire Holman 9 minutes ago
I think you have every right to feel upset about being left out; even if those people didn't know you, your family members should have made sure to include you.
#38
"Look, I'm picking her nose."-Cousin sticking finger up nostril of dead great Aunt's corpse.
#39
One of my uncles passed away suddenly recently. The preacher at the service was fairly awful. He started going into like graphic details of the events of his passing like "I can't imagine what it must have been like for his wife as he lay on the side of the road dying and she was waiting for the ambulance" At the time I didn't even know all the details of what went down that ended him up in the hospital but Jesus christ. You've got a mourning widow and you're gonna make her relive the worst moment of her life at the funeral?!
#40
At the post-viewing dinner for my grandfather (less than 24 hours after he died) my aunt joked to my grandmother that she should start dating again.
#41
A regular in the pub I drank in sadly passed away. I’d known him for years. Me and my mate went in one day and the barman was giving us the date and time of the funeral. Then he said, very casually, “It’s going to be a humorous ceremony”. It went very quiet and I shared a confused look with my friend before asking him to repeat himself and he said it again, “a humorous ceremony”. Still confused I asked him “do you mean a *humanist* ceremony?” He stared at me for a moment in sudden realisation before hanging his head and pinching the bridge of his nose in despair. He took a deep breath and said very quietly “f**k. I’ve texted humorous ceremony to everyone, even my dad”. Me and my mate just burst into hysterical laughter. I’m still mates with him nearly 15 years later and neither we nor his dad have ever let him forget it.
#42
My paternal grandpa was kind of a s*****g. He talked constant s**t about my mom, who'd done absolutely nothing to him, treated me and my sister like c**p as kids, at one point telling 8 year old me that I'd "grow up to be a Godless w***e just like your mother". As soon as I hit puberty he spent any time I was around starring at my b***s. Tried to grope me once and got slapped for it, which he just used to talk more s**t about me. I hated the old b*****d, and death did nothing to change that.
I do love my dad though, so I agreed to go to the viewing for him. I ended up just sticking with my dads girlfriend and my sister, who also were not a fan of this guy. My sister refused to go even look at the body, obviously still pissed with him, but I ended up going up with dads gf.
Apparently she had a bit of a history with him as well because she leaned over the body when nobody else was paying attention and whispered with as much vitriol as person can muster while smiling "Good riddance you nasty old b*****d."
I started laughing. I ended up passing it off as weird grief emotions and had to excuse myself to the car.
#43
The worst was when a member of the deceased's family stood up during the long-winded preacher's seemingly endless sermon and asked him to "please stop talking" (because they'd be late arriving for the restaurant reception following the service).
#44
Aunt passed away, wasnt really close with her. She was part of a church in upper state New York somewhere and a bunch of older folks I never saw before showed up (like 50 people over the age of 65).
Me and my younger brother are sitting towards the back listening to one of the guys tell stories to everyone about her when he gets to a part that I will never forget. He tells a story about how after she was placed in an old folks home she "escaped" and they couldnt find her for like 2 hours. They called the police and finally found her riding around in a golf cart at the local country club that was like 2 miles down the road from the old folks home.
As he is telling this story and everyone is having a nice laugh he says "I wish she would send us a sign letting us know how much she loved us"...suddenly my younger brothers phone goes off. The song it was set to? "America F**k Ya" but the part where it just starts singing "AMERRRRRICA, F**K YA!"
The entire church looks at us and as I am trying to hold back my laughs my little brother says "Its a sign from Aunt Francese, she says thank you". I was laughing so hard that I had to excuse myself from the room.
#45
At my Dads funeral last year, one of the priests started out saying my Dad was an excellent community man and would be sorely missed, then went off the rails telling everyone that not even my Dad was guaranteed a place in heaven and we would all need to keep praying for his soul. I wanted to punch him so hard.
#46
My uncle "Rich" passed away really unexpectedly...his dad had really bad alzheimer's. At the viewing, his dad asked, "When is Rich getting here?" That tore me apart.
#47
The wife of the cousin of the deceased's mother saying that the coffee served was not hot enough and throwing a tantrum about it.
What do you think ?
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