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Before naming our cat, my partner and I debated for weeks about what we should call him. We thought long and hard about what name perfectly suited his personality, made extensive lists, asked friends for their opinions and played around with different options to make sure we chose the perfect one. I can’t even imagine how stressful it is to name a child. But apparently, some parents have no problem choosing names that essentially beg bullies to target their kids.
Redditors have recently been discussing the absolute worst names that children can be given, so we’ve gathered the most egregious ones below. Enjoy scrolling through this list of names that nobody should ever use, and keep reading to find a conversation with naming expert and founder of Namerology.com, Laura Wattenberg!
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#2
Meconium.
She heard nurse say it at the birth and thought it pretty. The definition is "a baby's first stool, usually black and tarry in nature, to dispel mucus and other embryonic matter." 🤦♀️.
To learn a bit more about names and how to choose a great baby name, we got in touch with naming expert, founder of Namerology.com, and author of The Baby Name Wizard, Laura Wattenberg. Laura was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and remind readers that, thankfully, most of the names on this list are simply hypotheticals. "Even most of the claims of, 'I met a kid named…' are urban legends!" she noted.
The expert also says it's important to be empathetic when discussing names. "When it comes to real names, it’s always worth remembering there’s a real child attached. Don’t be too quick to insult a name, even online," she noted. "The child WILL find it, and it will hurt."
#5
Foreigner. Given to an impossibly white kid in very rural Oklahoma. He and his brother Journey had strange parents.
When it comes to bad baby names, Laura says there are two kinds: "names that are not what the parents intended, and names used as a weapon."
"Parents occasionally choose a name not realizing the way it will come across to others. They may not know a word or a cultural reference and are blindsided by people’s reactions," the expert noted. "It can even come down to a matter of spelling, like Analie vs. Anally."
#7
A lady I know named her son Kody, but spells it CHODE.. which means something completely different, imo.😂.
"The rarer case is names chosen maliciously," Laura says. "For instance, I’ve heard of instances of a husband insisting on a particular girl’s name, only for his wife to later discover it was the name of the woman he was having an affair with. Then there was the family that chose Nazi names deliberately to upset people. No child should be used as a weapon."
#12
Princess.
Not the absolute worst, but I don’t think I could ever take this person seriously. Please don’t give children names that you give pets.
But the good news is that, even if you truly hate your name, you can always have it changed. "More adults are changing their names than ever before," Laura shared. "Your name is your identity in word form; the way you’re presented to the world. If you honestly believe yours doesn’t represent you well, changing it can be a reasonable choice."
#13
Any name that is an expensive item. Rolex, Cartier, Mercedes, Diamond. Those are just str*pper names.
#18
I was once drunk in a Taco Bell, waiting for my order at the pickup counter. The employee comes over to announce the next order, goes to read the name on the bag, double takes.
“…Adolph?”
This m**********r walks up, head in shame. The employee literally said “that’s not funny” as the guy was trying to seriously explain that was his real name.
I think about that man often.
#22
Naming a kid *anything* that sounds like a joke—like "Brick" or "Banana"—is just setting them up for a tough time. Imagine going through life introducing yourself as “Banana”... nah, that’s just cruel. Keep it cute, not crazy!
#24
There is a road in rural Ontario named after a local farmer, Harry Dyck. The road sign for Harry Dyck Road kept getting stolen. So they epoxy'd the sign to the post, and it remains to this day. True story.
#25
New Hampshire had a representative named D**k Swett (representative from 1991-1995 then served as the American ambassador to Denmark from 1998-2001).
He goes by Richard now.
#26
Did maintenance at a teaching hospital for a while. Passing through the Maternity ward, I've seen Tarzan, Puma, Aquanet, and my personal favorite... Brunhilde.
#27
Names I have came across over the years teaching…
B***h (no joke here)
Princess
Chlamydia
Shacked.
