Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
It’s human to make mistakes. Despite understanding this, many folks still hold a deep sense of regret for how they used to live life in the past. They might beat themselves up for not taking better care of their physical or mental health. Or they still feel ashamed that they gave so much of their time and energy to foster one-sided relationships.
Redditor u/laradoxical tapped into those feelings and inspired a viral discussion on r/AskReddit after asking everyone to share the one piece of advice they wish they had when they were younger. The thread is incredibly relatable and is a great guide for anyone in the mood for some self-help. Check out the best advice below.
Bored Panda wanted to learn more about moving past regrets and nurturing habits, so we reached out to Alan Castel, Ph.D., a UCLA psychology professor and the author of 'Better with Age: The Psychology of Successful Aging.' Read on for the insights he shared with us.
This post may include affiliate links.
RELATED:
#3
Treat everyone with respect. Friends, family, coworkers, doormen, waitstaff, hairdressers, etc. Everyone deserves dignity. Its seems a little thing, but its huge to those on the receiving end.
Some people regret that they didn't embrace a healthier lifestyle earlier, and we were curious about what could help them move past these feelings.
"While some people may feel regret, many people can transform this into motivation to focus on the things that are important in life," Dr. Castel, from UCLA, explained to Bored Panda via email.
"This can take the form of nurturing relationships, and also developing new healthy habits at any age in life," he said.
#4
That it’s ok to go in to a skilled trade and not HAVE to go to college and wrack up thousands of dollars worth of debt.
#5
You can talk back to your brain. Talk back to your bad thoughts and tell them they’re wrong. Not every bad thought is a reality. Also, bad days are okay. Bad day does not equal a bad life.
#6
Stop pining over people and just ask them out as soon as you realize you like them.
If their answer is yes, then yay! If their answer is no, they you don’t waste a bunch of energy having a crush on them when it won’t go anywhere.
I finally followed that advice and it’s working out great.
We were also interested in what could help motivate someone to continue developing new habits even if they're not seeing the results they hoped for.
"While some habits may not immediately yield benefits, people may appreciate that the reinforcement will occur if it is discussed with others," Castel, the author of 'Better with Age: The Psychology of Successful Aging,' said.
"Thus, having a social connection and talking about how to nurture healthy habits can be beneficial so that they become long-term programs of behavior, such as exercise, eating well, and being around the people that one cares about."
#7
"Do what you love" is b******t for most of us. Do something you like and that provides you with the conditions to do what you love on your free time.
One thing that everyone needs to understand is that there is no such thing as a ‘perfect’ life. No matter how skilled, resilient, resourceful, or lucky you might be, at one point or another you are going to make mistakes. And lots of them! They might be one-off behaviors or even full-fledged habits that you regret (not) doing.
But instead of agonizing over all of this, you must embrace this ‘imperfection.’ Yes, your life would have been better if you took better care of your mental health or stopped trying to please everyone in your social circle. However, you did the best that you could with the knowledge and tools that you had at the time. What matters now is that you learn from those mistakes, identify the habits and type of lifestyle you want, and put consistent effort to reach those goals.
#10
Don't spend so much time thinking about what other people think of you (they care more about themselves than you). Spend more time discovering yourself and loving/accepting who you are instead of wasting time doing things to get their approval. That, and... When you thought that (whatever drama/comment/snarky remark etc) was about you, it wasn't really about you. It was about them.
#12
Don’t be so desperate for love and affection you find it in the absolute worst places. Wait your time until you’re old enough and don’t be like me and make a million mistakes you’ll regret on abusive men who never deserved the time of day.
Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., points out in a piece on Psychology Today that, practically speaking, there is no possible way for your past self to have known what you know now. The advice you so wish you could give your past self could still be incredibly useful to you now.
All it takes is acknowledging its usefulness and integrating it into your life. It takes a lot of maturity and humility to admit that, yes, you probably should have behaved differently. However, you would not be the person you are today if you had not made those mistakes in the past. And, if we’re being totally honest, it really is never too late to learn something new. We’re never ‘too old’ to live the life we truly want.
#13
Yah hey 18 yr old me: You know how you are they only skinny one in the family? That is not because you are genetically programmed to stay in model shape. It is because you work out constantly because you love dance. Yes you can now eat 3 Big Macs In a sitting and all the casseroles your mom makes with crisco by the cups. You might even be within the food pyramid of 1992 (it’s b******t!). But the minute you switch to college life, work out only a few hours a week at most, age....boom you are going to join the rest of the fam! Learn how to eat while you are still skinny. Then learn some sports that you can do at 30 unlike ballet on point. Then learn to prioritize them. Lovingly, overweight 44 yr old you.
#14
Your parents are not always right, morally OR factually.
And sometimes, they are more concerned about their own reputation than your wellbeing.
Basically, your parents are only human.
#15
Surround yourself with people that treat you well. Anyone else, whether they are family or friends, can be pushed away if they want to treat you like s**t. Life isn't about sticking around in unhealthy relationships, it is about cultivating the ones that actually matter.
I recently got a call from my dad telling me how much of a lazy piece of s**t (his words) I am for skipping Thanksgiving and not helping build a fence. I have to work to make ends meet and I am starting to think I don't have time for his toxic b******t.
In our experience, some of the most important factors that help us live a happy life include prioritizing our physical and mental health, developing strong relationships with the people we care about, and spending time on activities that we truly love.
Living well starts with the absolute basics: from eating well and getting plenty of exercise to drinking lots of water and getting enough sleep every single night. Next, you have to find a healthy balance between work or school and your free time. That might mean different things to different people, but so long as you’re not neglecting your passions (whether that’s dance, art, travel, music, or anything else), you’re doing things right.
Though if you’re struggling or feel utterly lost, there’s no shame in asking for help. If talking to your family and friends doesn’t help, seek out a therapist for advice.
#16
Get tested. It's not in your head. Your mother is not a Dr and doesn't know what she's talking about.
#18
Take care of your teeth / get as much done while on your parents dental plans as possible. Necessary s**t and preventative procedures. Cuz holy f**k, when you’re 24 with no coverage and you break a tooth, it’s going to take you sooo f*****g long to get it fixed and paid off.
#19
If you don't think the tattoo looks good, say so. Don't assume the tattoo artist knows better than you do. Would have saved me a lot of grief and, hopefully not too far in the future, money for removal/a cover up.
#23
“Apply a*s to chair.” It’s from a story Raymond Carver tells when asked how he was such a prolific writer. Changed my life when I heard it. There is no other substitute for getting s**t done than sitting down and getting the s**t done.
#24
You will not have to deal with quicksand at all in your adult life. Stop obsessing about it.
#25
Experiences > Things Here's the test: Without looking at anything to remind you, what did you get for your birthday in the year 2010? I'll wait. I can't remember what I got either. But I do remember... Playing in the creek with my kids Seeing the total eclipse. Going to the "Postmodern Jukebox" show with my daughter. That time we stopped and cooked dinner on the side of the road because it was closed due a mudslide. and so much more...
#26
Learn self discipline. Especially over your mind. Then you can wait out a lot of your own problems. If you rush life because “you can’t wait any longer” you will have so many griefs. Disciplined Patience can do a world of wonders.
#27
Practice talking to people and being with people. Social skills can be learnt like any other skill! It just takes patience, and practice.
#28
Being an adult is about running in to problems and in one way or another overcoming all of them. No putting off or discarding the ones you don't like. They're your problems and you have to deal with and resolve them.
#29
People will give you incorrect information - sometimes intentionally, be it out of good or bad motives, sometimes because they themselves are misinformed and sometimes because they plain do not know.
Some of this information will be delivered with high confidence, some with low, but the projected confidence level is no indication of correctness.
You will have to learn for yourself what is correct and what isn't, when to trust, how to assess, how to reflect and evaluate, and sometimes you'll get it right and sometimes you won't.
Learn from your mistakes, and make mistakes that aren't fatal early and often so that you can learn as much as possible.
Learn from others experience, ask them about their life and what they have learned. You never have to accept anything as directive, but by listening you will expose yourself to more information than you could ever gather on your own in a lifetime.
Overeating, anorexia, alcohol, tobacco and other drugs will have horrid negative impact on your quality of life later in your time, even if they feel cool, net neutral or good right away. Stay away and keep dosage low as much and as long as you can.
You won't get rewarded for being good and following norms. This is how your childhood might have worked, but you will have to figure out what you want all by yourself for the rest of your life, and luck will play a much more significant role than you think in payoff.
Try not to care too much about your reputation, following rules and doing what generally everyone does if your desires suggest you want to try something else. Be careful to gather information and evidence before doing things that others suggest might be detrimental to your wellbeing.
Money is not a way to keep score or attain happiness, but not having money can limit your ability to be your best self and cause severe harm.
Have a cash emergency fund - until you have about 10k saved up, push any money you can into it. Never touch it, you'll know when you have an emergency that supersedes this rule.
Invest early, tax advantaged and often. Don't withdraw. Every month, pick some amount that you can afford to lose and invest it into the SP500, ideally in a 401k or IRA account. Invest in the SP500 even if you are not located in America. Keep doing this, don't watch the total value, never sell until you hit at least 50.
Buy a house if you could see yourself staying in an area for more than 5 years and you can make monthly payments and the down payment. Even if you move, there is a decent chance that selling your first home will set you up in a better way to buy a new one elsewhere than renting would have.
Once you have enough that you'd be negatively impacted if you lost it all, max out catastrophic insurance against liability, medical bankruptcy and loss of life if you already have a life partner or children.
Try to create meaningful relationships - people who will be honest with you, truly care about you and help you in situations where anyone who doesn't know you would be right to stay away. This includes learning to end relationships that aren't great early - at some point, you should pick and choose a set of people you want around for the rest of your life, and weeding out the ones you don't early will be helpful in this.
You can learn a lot about a person by observing how they treat others and allowing them to hurt you. If someone insults or denigrates others to their faces or behind their backs, chances are they'll project their negative emotions towards you at some point in the future. If someone steals a few dollars or a prized possession from you, chances are that if you kept them in your life they'll cause more damage along the way. If someone lashes out at you in anger when you make a mistake, chances are they'll do so repeatedly in future situations where a calm, results oriented discussion would be more productive.
Don't focus on finding your one true love; realize there are a few million people who'd make fine partners for you a few thousand who'd be perfect. The moment you choose one of those to be your companion for the remainder of your time is what makes that relationship truly special.
You cannot make a specific person love you - if they don't reciprocate move on and don't dwell on it. One sided relationships cause no end of harm, you have dodged the proverbial bullet.
Think of the initial period of infatuation as a great way to get to know a person better, but in finding longterm companions, try to choose based on character traits such as competence, kindness, good communication skills and helpfulness.
Last but not least: you have one life. It'll end sometime in the next 100 years, and you'll spend the first quarter learning and growing, the middle quarters applying yourself and having children if you so choose and the last quarter hanging on despite all the pain just to see how things play out. But that's it. One life.
Use your time well and don't forget to enjoy it.
#30
To let go of my jealousy. I was always so jealous of my peers who were better at sports, who were more academically gifted, who had more friends... The jealousy ate away at me for so many years and soured my relationship with my peers. It was such a waste. I could have used all that energy to maybe try and improve myself or focus on my strengths instead of hating others for being what I wasn’t. It’s alright if you’re not the best, we can’t all be number one. No ones perfect. What matters is that you be the best you can be.
#32
Start an IRA right out of highschool. Even is you can only afford $5 a month. Get it started right away. Also stay away from credit cards and loans. Other than the mortgage and car payment.... everything is paid in full upon purchase. Finances get so much easier doing this.
#34
Constant negative thinking can actually lead to long term mental illness. Learn good mental habits.
#37
Appreciate your parents. Tell them you love them. They won't be here forever. I'm 23 and both my parents have passed. The pain of unspoken words and actions I regret but can never actually apologize for is the worst. Edit: Today actually ~~would've~~ should've been my mom's 60th birthday. Happy Birthday Mom 💕
#42
Don’t approach every relationship as ‘the one you’re going to marry’. Just have fun and enjoy your youth. Don’t take everything so seriously.
#44
You don’t have to be the center of attention to be noticed/liked. Just be a warm, positive presence and people will enjoy hanging out with you.
#46
Get your sleep. Being on 6-8 hours of sleep meant that each hour I was awake I could be so much more productive. When I was running on 3 hours of sleep, even though I was awake for 5 more hours a day, my hours were largely unproductive because I would get distracted easily, doze off, or just generally feel miserable. When I got my sleep (not just one night. Gotta get 6-8 hours every night for a couple weeks), every hour I was awake I could accomplish what I was able to do in 3 or 4 hours when I was tired. Studying for exams was a breeze because i could actually focus. Everything was easier because my brain was clear and not muddled up and tired. Having consistent sleep for an extended period is like being a version of yourself with super powers. Try it. GET YOUR SLEEP
#47
Wouldn't have mattered. I got all the good advice I needed, and listened to very little of it.
#49
There are good people in the world that will be glad to help if you reach out. Obviously there’s plenty of s****y people out there too, but don’t be afraid or too prideful to ask for help when you need it. I still struggle with this because I feel like I don’t want to burden anyone with my problems, but every time I’ve worked myself up over reaching out to someone and then did it anyways, I always think “man I wish I’d done that sooner.”
#52
Don't f**k up your life over a boy/girl. I've seen enough people destroy their entire life just because of a person not worthy of their time and energy. Spend your time over something worthwhile, instead. You'll be thankful.
#54
Challenge everything. Don't just accept something as true just bc someone you trust says it is
#55
It CAN be very difficult to stop something negative once you've tried it once and it works. Drugs, Smoking, Drinking, Overeating, Swearing, Cheating, Stealing, Lying etc
#58
Do everything in your power to pursue your dreams. I am still very young but it’s something I’ve realised a lot of adults end up regretting.
#60
Your going to fail a lot. Don't get stuck on that. Unfortunately, I probably wouldn't have listened. But I'm only really starting to hear that advice recently, let alone internalise it and accept that failing can be good too
#61
It’s natural to be afraid of the unknown, but confidence comes from moving forward regardless of that fear. Making mistakes is a natural part of life. Growing out of that stage in my life where my mistakes were not just mistakes but personal failures was a huge problem I am still working on today
#62
You're not (necessarily) doing anything wrong, your 20s are *supposed* to be difficult. The idea that they're your best days is fiction spread by nostalgic adults, from an era where their lives unfolded differently. Your real peak can occur in your early or mid thirties, if you make intelligent decisions and bear unpleasantness now rather than deferring it to later. If you put off inevitable drudgery, work and stress, you don't gain the years before it as you'll constantly be stressing about the upcoming stuff. Do it now. Yes, it sucks. It will be over.
Also. *Save. More. Money.*
#63
Don't trust her when she says she's on birth control. Don't assume she's still taking it. I f****d up and take full responsibility, but I feel like I got trapped too.
#65
Don’t quit things just because you’re not naturally gifted at them. There’s a lot to be gained from being part of a team even if you’re not the star player. Also, no one is looking at you and no one cares what you’re doing! They’re worried about themselves:)
#73
Do not listen to people who say “you’re so young! You have all the time so don’t worry!” If you listen to that, you’ll end up in your late 20’s and unable to do some things at the same level you could have if you were younger. And if you’re thinking, “late 20’s, that’s not old!?” I have a surprise for you, you’re body is already more prone to injury and less able to heal by then. And your energy levels will not be as high. So get out there and be active and have adventures now. Treat every day as special. Every single one. That way, when you do reach your late 20’s and onward, you can adventure a little more carefully and not feel limited by your body.
#75
Put effort in building a strong social circle and learn how to ask for help. Plus, learn to actually ask for help before you get at the point where you are not able to ask for help anymore. On a less melodramatic note, keep a journal. I never did it and I've probably forgotten so many things already, plus it is comforting to see how much you've changed over the years. Reading about all the stuff you worried about, that just worked out in the end.
#76
Pay yourself first. Take 10% ( or $10 - anything) of your paycheck and put it in an IRA and don’t think about it. 65 year old you will thank you. Compounded interest is a beautiful thing. Also, buy a rental property as soon as possible. Passive income will make a difference later in life.
#78
If you rely on “being smart” you will lose *every time* to people who rely on working hard.
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago (edited)
Dear me: You are not crazy. You are being gaslighted and abused, and you are severely depressed and anxious. You are not stupid. You have undiagnosed, untreated ADHD. You are not fat. Tim (our adoptive father) is projecting his own insecurities onto you. Please stop starving yourself. You are not worthless, lazy, unlovable, or any of those other things that Tim tells you that you are. He is a narcissist and a manipulator who's so fragile and spineless that the only way he can feel better about himself is to bully a child. You will escape, you will heal, you will never have to see or speak to Tim ever again, and your life will be so much better for it.
Susie Elle 2 years ago
"Learn to" is a verb. You can learn to do things. Learn to love yourself, learn to be more patient, learn to be less judgmental, learn to save money, learn to study, learn to travel solo. Find out HOW to learn all these things you want to learn. There's methods, plans, approaches. You can be advised to do a lot of things but not everything is a matter of flipping an interal switch. Some things you have to learn, and learning to learn is at the foundation.
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago (edited)
Dear me: You are not crazy. You are being gaslighted and abused, and you are severely depressed and anxious. You are not stupid. You have undiagnosed, untreated ADHD. You are not fat. Tim (our adoptive father) is projecting his own insecurities onto you. Please stop starving yourself. You are not worthless, lazy, unlovable, or any of those other things that Tim tells you that you are. He is a narcissist and a manipulator who's so fragile and spineless that the only way he can feel better about himself is to bully a child. You will escape, you will heal, you will never have to see or speak to Tim ever again, and your life will be so much better for it.
Susie Elle 2 years ago
"Learn to" is a verb. You can learn to do things. Learn to love yourself, learn to be more patient, learn to be less judgmental, learn to save money, learn to study, learn to travel solo. Find out HOW to learn all these things you want to learn. There's methods, plans, approaches. You can be advised to do a lot of things but not everything is a matter of flipping an interal switch. Some things you have to learn, and learning to learn is at the foundation.
Related on Bored Panda
