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Some things we just cannot forget. Like harsh words from the people we want to impress most—our parents.
On May 3rd, assistant professor at Stockton University Emily Van Duyne tweeted a question: "Does anyone else ever remember a cruel thing your parent said to you [and] it takes the wind out of you? Even if it was almost ten years ago?" Turns out, they do.
Emily's tweet has received over 200,000 likes and plenty of comments where people revealed their parents' mean phrases that will probably stick with them for life, and the thread has become like a giant online mental health session.
"I want you all to know I am sorting through and reading and thinking of and trying to respond individually to each of these stories," Van Duyne wrote as the responses kept pouring in. "I'm making pasta and reminding myself to be tender with my kids and tender with myself, as much as humanly possible, always. Please do the same."
Continue scrolling and check out some of our hand-picked confessions. Sometimes, seeing other people vulnerable is all you need to uncover and deal with your own crap.
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According to Jessie-Anne Bird, a psychologist from Johannesburg, South Africa, we can be deeply wounded by the words of others. "If we are not careful, we can react in a way that may escalate things unnecessarily," Bird told Bored Panda.
Instead, the psychologist suggested we use the STOP technique, and it looks like this:
S: Stop. Wait before you react.
T: Take a step back - give yourself some time and space from the situation.
O: Observe what's going on inside and outside. Become aware of your thoughts and feelings, think about how they may be impacting your decision-making.
P: Proceed mindfully - once you have an understanding of what is happening, and have thought through your options - then you will be in a position to make a choice about how to respond or react.
Experts associate parent-child connectedness with a wide range of health indicators. Close, positive family relationships that feature open communication help young people stay healthy and avoid substance use and violent behavior.
"We tend to use the perceptions of others to inform our self-view, and we might place more importance on the feedback we receive from those we value," Bird said. "When we hear hurtful things from those we love or esteem - they may hurt more because we are more likely to believe them."
Imi Lo, a psychotherapist, art therapist, and consultant for emotionally intense and highly sensitive people, thinks the relationship between a child and a parent is one of the most instinctively protective, loving, and nurturing things humans experience. So when such a connection is clouded with feelings of deep hurt and resentment, these negative emotions can follow people beyond childhood and adolescence into adulthood.
"At the end of the day, you want to be able to cross over the bridge of resentment and move to a place of peace," Lo wrote in Psychology Today. "But however cliche this sounds, you need first to love yourself, embracing both the good and the bad, your ability to love, and your rage towards others. You must forgive yourself for your inability to forgive. You are a survivor for being here today. You deserve to live without emotional baggage."
If what you do grows into a deep sense of love for your parents, then the journey would have been worth it. If not, at least you know that you tried, and you will have no regrets.
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What do you think ?
Brandy Grote 4 years ago
As a severely depressed, abused 10 yr old, she called me a "bitchy witchy hag". A few years later I had sores inside my nose. When I informed her of this, she just said "coke nose". (I was 13 and had no allowance and wasn't even allowed to babysit so....). The last thing she said was "until I can think like her, she doesn't want to hear from me". That was about 2004. I've never been so mentally healthy!
Kharyss 4 years ago
I was emotionally and physically bullied for 11 years at an all girls private boarding school. Tried to tell my mother once and was told “the only reason I’m still with your father is to pay your school fees”. Severe depression, social anxiety, night terrors, self harm and bulimia followed, all kept secret and no one saw, but I never tried to tell a soul again because I didn’t want to be responsible for my parents divorce. 35 years later and I still don’t truly believe that people could like me or that I have value. Single. No kids. Probably always will be. But my parents never split up.
Brandy Grote 4 years ago
As a severely depressed, abused 10 yr old, she called me a "bitchy witchy hag". A few years later I had sores inside my nose. When I informed her of this, she just said "coke nose". (I was 13 and had no allowance and wasn't even allowed to babysit so....). The last thing she said was "until I can think like her, she doesn't want to hear from me". That was about 2004. I've never been so mentally healthy!
Kharyss 4 years ago
I was emotionally and physically bullied for 11 years at an all girls private boarding school. Tried to tell my mother once and was told “the only reason I’m still with your father is to pay your school fees”. Severe depression, social anxiety, night terrors, self harm and bulimia followed, all kept secret and no one saw, but I never tried to tell a soul again because I didn’t want to be responsible for my parents divorce. 35 years later and I still don’t truly believe that people could like me or that I have value. Single. No kids. Probably always will be. But my parents never split up.
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