FORGOTTEN HISTORY: Infuriating in laws | History Defined

Getting married to the love of your life is a dream come true for many. But all it takes is an irritating in-law to bring you back to reality. While there’s a good chance that your partner’s family will be warm and welcoming, there's a possibility that you might have to deal with some annoying characters.

In Asian countries, many people live with their mother and father-in-law after marriage. Building a strong relationship requires time and effort. However, in patriarchal societies, a woman is expected to spend more time with the man’s family than he spends with hers. In some cases, a female might have to live with her husband’s family while he just needs to visit her family occasionally. When this happens, the dynamic between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law becomes very relevant.

In a typical patriarchal household, the new bride has less power compared to her mother-in-law. The decision-making authority lies with the senior woman. In Nepal, women reported they would eat food after everyone else finished their meal, and sometimes they didn’t eat anything as their mother-in-law thought it was an apt way to punish them for any small mistake they made. Some of them even needed permission to leave the house.

A number of studies have identified that, in some cases, a woman’s maternal health choices are made by her mother-in-laws. For example, if the elder woman in the house had negative attitudes towards delivering in a hospital, her son’s wife might have to opt for a home delivery despite her own beliefs towards traditional birthing practices. In Kenya, new mothers felt the pressure to take breastfeeding advice from their spouse’s mother simply because they were living in the same house.

Studies indicate that many Americans also consider their relationships with their in-laws a significant aspect of their lives. While the connection with your spouse’s mom, dad, sister, or brother can be similar to the bond you share with your own family, it takes a while to form that level of attachment. This is mainly because you don’t share the long history of parent-child ties.

For instance, you have known your siblings since childhood and are comfortable around them. You might not think twice before farting in the living room while watching TV with them. In fact, you might even tease them about it. But it might take you a while to show such quirks in front of your brother-in-law.

Your relationship with your in-laws depends a lot on the initial interactions you have with them. If an individual is able to create a good impression in the days before marriage, the chances are they will have a good relationship moving forward as well.

For instance, if your future sister-in-law sees you as a warm soul, she might take initiatives to get to know you better. But if, for some reason, there’s a negative vibe from the start, chances are the relationship could be strained even further in the future. Your in-laws should know that you are open to the idea of building a healthy connection with them. It’s best for everyone if their partner gets along with the rest of their family.

For a woman, when their husband puts in the effort to get to know her family, she considers it a welcoming gesture. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a popular relationship expert, said that women see this as "your family is important to me because you're important to me. I want to feel closer to them because I want to be closer to you." Wives love it when their family and spouse get along.

Similarly, it’s crucial that the man’s family and his wife get acquainted with each other. Having your in-laws by your side is always beneficial and helpful. Your partner’s family will spend quality time with the grandchildren as well. They might be involved in financial matters for your family. When in-laws are part of your important decision-making process, you should openly communicate with them, no matter how annoying they are sometimes.

And, in case you are unable to form a bond with your spouse’s family, you should simply set healthy boundaries. Try to have one-on-one time with your in-laws and talk to them honestly. Communicate your feelings while trying to understand what they need from you. Every time you meet for holidays and family functions, you can try to create some happy memories with them.

Are you close to your partner’s family? Or do you find them annoying? Don’t forget to share your thoughts about this and upvote your favorite posts.