#1
As I drove up I noticed her car in the driveway… Unexpected as she should have been out at that time. Anyway the thought of walking into the house with just her there made my heart sink. I had an almost physical flinch reaction. She’ll just be miserable, or combative, or complaining, or just rude. So I just kept driving and went to a cafe for a couple hours instead.
I then got back about 4pm, saw the kids, the dog, took them all the park for afternoon fun and laughs. And made a mental note that when the kids are older, I’m definitely going to have a plan so I’m not going to be stuck with her.
She was pretty and nice in front of people, but living with her I realised she was mean spirited deep down and a fake personality.
Now we’re divorced I have no feeling for her either way, my mind has literally erased my memory of her, just somebody I used to know.
#2
Everything about her was a lie. She made a whole fake persona to be what she thought I wanted. She lied about birth control and begged for kids. I got her pregnant and immediately, the facade came down.
I gave her passes for pregnancy hormones. But it didn't stop after the child was born. I gave her passes for other reasons. She just became more toxic.
We were together for 2 years and married for 6 months before I caught her cheating.
The same week, I met the love of my life who stuck by my side through a divorce that could make a horror movie. We've been *happily* married for 21 years.
#3
Then, during a fight because I was frustrated at the lack of intimacy, she dropped this beauty, "I married you because you earned a good paycheck."
Yep, that was the beginning of the end.
When people fall in love and decide to get hitched, they probably never expect to fall out of love with their partner. Unfortunately, this is exactly what some folks feel, which is why they begin regretting getting married. According to IllicitEncounters, which is the UK’s largest extramarital dating site, men are 72% more likely to feel remorse about getting hitched as compared to 54% of women who feel this way.
This kind of marital remorse is most likely to come about after the third year of marriage. Sometimes, folks even question whether they made the right choice within the first year of marriage. Interestingly, this strong feeling has less to do with the spouse in question and more to do with people's exes they might still be pining over.
#4
I realized there was nothing I could do that would be good enough in her eyes….
#5
#6
The breaking point (FINALLY) was when his dad was diagnosed with cancer and he had to take him to treatments and such. Instead of being there for her husband and father-in-law, she decided to go to a week long music festival in Miami with her “guy friends”. He filed for a divorce a month later.
Fights, drama, and monotony can make people question whether they should have tied the knot. Unfortunately, this regretful feeling can even come up within the first 24 hours of the wedding, which lawyers say happens to nearly 10% of married couples.
Although this might seem bleak, research suggests remorse tends to drop off around the 5th year of the relationship. By then, people may have settled into their roles and no longer feel like they made a mistake.
#7
We'd been married a year and a half. My jerk of a sister in law (who knew I did not want kids) asked my wife when we were planning to have some. My wife (who also knew I did not want kids and had always said the same) responded "I'm hoping to wear him down on that the same way I wore him down on marrying me."
I did not hear this, I was in back cooking burgers on the grill. My friends heard it and told me. I assumed she was joking but they didn't seem to think she was.
Fast forward a few months and she comes to me and jumps into my lap and says "I want a baby." I asked her why. "I'm lonely. And you don't eat healthy so you're probably going to be gone young and I want to make sure someone's going to be around to take care of me when I get old."
Afaik she never had kids. Thank God.
And my SIL is still a jerk.
#8
Happily divorced 11 years and recently married to my 2nd wife and best friend.
#9
Where do I start. The only thing good about her is that she kept the house organized and clean. Oh, wait. She ruined that by being so OCD and controlling that if I moved anything I would have furious vengeance rained down upon me. So... nothing was good.
Incredibly clingy, manipulative, useless, wasted money, refused to work, forced me to change jobs, bit me, pinched me leaving bruises/scars. There's way more. She's the worst since Day 1 of being married. I spent the first year of marriage miserable, but bending over backwards to please her just to keep the peace, which rarely worked anyway.
I spent the next few months wishing I could divorce. Finally had enough of that life and filed in June. Guess what. She's still fucking here. She's got some weird hold over me that I just cannot break free.
Until now. My parents are secretly coming next week to help me pack my stuff and move me across the country back home, away from her forever. I've never been so excited in my life. The only good things I did in this marriage were filing for divorce and not having kids.
When disagreements and frustration build over time, they can create a confusing brew of emotions that eventually threatens the marriage. According to relationship expert Kerry Lusignan, when folks struggle to communicate their feelings with their spouse, they can face resentment and stress.
This can push people to the edge and make them feel like there is no option but to end their marriage. Even taking such a big step can be scary, especially if children and expensive assets are involved. These overwhelming emotions shouldn’t keep bubbling up, and folks should try to address the issues as soon as possible.
#10
#11
#12
A major issue that can affect marriage is what psychologists call the Negative Sentiment Override (NSO). Relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman coined this term, and it refers to a state of mind in which a person finds it hard to see the good in their loved one, which can slowly destroy their bond.
This strong feeling can develop after repeated criticism and dismissal, missed bids for connection, or relationship burnout. When someone starts feeling this way, they may see even positive or neutral actions from their partner in a negative light and stop giving them the benefit of the doubt.
#13
When she spent 2000 dollars on workout programs/outfits and didnt use it once but shamed me for wanting to have a few drinks with my friends. Oh and she blew 3 different exotic dancers during her bachelorette party and kept the polaroids in her car...
#14
#15
She had a child from a prior marriage and I never wanted kids, but was too young to realize how constant that would affect us. Her husband was a great dad, and they had 50/50 split, so I thought it wouldn't bother me. It really did. Especially after about a year into the marriage the kid got a severe autism diagnosis. That was it's own kind of hell. (Severe as in would never be an adult that could live unsupervised)
She had always blamed how dirty her places were on her roommates or family. Found out she was a lot messier of a person that I was led to believe.
She could not accept being wrong. She could have three people telling her Susan wore a red dress to the party last night, and she would insist it was blue. She WOULD admit if she didn't know something, but if she believed something, there was no room for her being the one making the error.
Pretty much by year 2 we both realized how much of an error we made. We tried to make it work for another 5 but eventually it was too much.
Regret in a marriage doesn’t have to signal the end of it; according to the Marriage Dynamics Institute, folks can repair their bond with their spouse by remembering what drew them to each other. Sometimes past memories aren't clear, so folks should take time to recall the fun things they used to do, which can bring the spark back.
This kind of conversation can also help people feel better about each other, which can then steer the discussion toward more serious matters. Folks can use this time to openly share their worries about the relationship, and jointly figure out what they can do to repair their bond.
#16
#17
I think it is possible that living with me while yearning for the lost first choice sent her first to alcohol and then craziness.
#18
Healing a relationship definitely takes time, and during this process folks need to avoid pointing fingers at one another. Instead, they should reflect and approach the situation with humility. The best way to do this is to remember that neither you nor they are perfect, and that you only need to focus on your own mistakes first.
This humble approach can make you more approachable to your spouse, and they are less likely to shut down or get defensive during a discussion. Taking accountability can also help you fix any mistakes you might have made, which can benefit the relationship in the long run.
#19
Then I'd get home from work and find she'd done nothing besides watch true crime shows on A&E...and once she got World of Warcraft, it was a gender-swapped version of the story every woman has ever told me on a first date about her loser ex "all he ever did was sit around and play video games."
And once the Great Recession hit and I ended up out of work and she had to get a job to help support us? Oh, she acted like I was the worst, most useless person she'd ever met. In 2009. When unemployment in Washoe County, Nevada (where we lived, in Reno) was over 15 percent and nobody was doing well.
I went back to college both to ride out the storm and to position myself for something better when the recession blew over. She asked for a divorce.
To be perfectly blunt, I was less heartbroken and more relieved.
#20
Things were way off the rails, pretty much from the start. But I never caught on. I was in love. I had a lot of peculiar notions about how people worked. And hope, I somehow always had hope. In the wrong situation, hope will mess you up until you can only pray for the blessed release of demise.
There had been red flags, but the first WTF (in hindsight) was Jamaica. Honeymoon. I paid for the (not cheap) wedding, I was running out of funds. I wanted to visit New Orleans, family had offered us an apartment in the French Quarter. She wouldn't go, she said she was "afraid of voodoo". I kid you not. She held me hostage, I found money for Negril Beach. Which was where her mom honeymooned.
We got there, and she decided she was afraid of black people.
In Jamaica.
Huh. It didn't make a bit of sense, she had black friends. She barely left our room. We watched HBO and had intimate time once that week. It was swell.
It got worse from there. And I didn't catch on.
Huh.
