UNCOVERED: Men share past relationship mistakes - The Untold Story

I was selfish.

I didn't give her the attention she deserved.

I didn't take her concerns as seriously as I should have.

I refused to admit that I needed to work on myself.

I said terrible things in arguments because my insecurity made me hurt.

If you still read my reddit account, I'm sorry. For everything. You weren't perfect, but I was worse. And I should have made every attempt you deserved to keep and earn your love. You deserved more from me, and I wish daily I could have seen it at the time.

I never used to say I love your or hold hands or be affectionate. I had a horrific trauma when I was younger that caused me to not like being touched very much.

In my current relationship I’ve made it a point to be affectionate and touchy feely, as this is the last time I’m going to have a relationship, whether it works out or not.
I’ve explained this to my partner too. It’s made me softer around the edges.

I was a man-baby. Clinging on to my girlfriend for support, basically handing over to her all responsibility of dealing with my insecurities. Crying when things went wrong. Being extremely upset when she was obviously tired of it all, which she had every right to be. I was a jerk.

Trying not to be like this anymore, working on myself so that I take responsibility for my problems. Haven't tried dating again since the last few girls, but i think i'm at a place now where I could be a little more successful. Success requires failure. I just need to be independent.

For most of my early relationships, I was at my worst when I realized that the relationship was going to end. When I sensed that one or both of us had fallen out of love or was no longer invested in the relationship, instead of just breaking up like I should, I started doing dumb things. Like with one woman who cheated on me, I started going through her phone while she was asleep. I realize now that if my trust issues were that bad, I should have just left. With someone else, I could tell that she had lost interest and was looking for the right time to break up with me, so I did things that made it harder for her to leave, like making serious/expensive plans with her months in advance. I should have just let her go. And at least once, when I knew I was no longer in love and wanted to leave, I stayed just because the intimate time was good. I still feel really bad about that because I was basically just using her for intimacy and I think she knew and just let it happen because she didn't want me to leave.

I've only had one relationship, but expressing myself emotionally was a struggle.

I really couldn't express how I was feeling a lot of the time.

I couldn't share her interests at all. I'm a serious homebody and she likes dancing, clubbing, and all of that.

I expected her to solve my depression. That wasn't her job.

After my first Girlfriend cheated on me and messed me up big time. I was really jealous with my next Girlfriend. I ended up creating fake Instagram Accounts and texted her to see how she would interact with guys texting her.

She ended up finding out and broke up with me. I mean I would‘ve done the same.

Messed me up even more. After that I went to therapy and it got a lot better now.

Kinda nervous because current Girlfriend is leaving to study in Australia for a year. Hope that goes well.

I'm usually a decent boyfriend, but I have had episodes of insecurity, clingyness and being emotionally unintelligent that ended up hurting my partner.

My first long relationship ended on a bad note because I was too much of a coward to break up when I saw it wasn't working anymore, so we kept it going until we snapped and it ended in tears and slammed doors.

Also this summer I was a jerk to a girl that really wanted to be with me, but I only saw her as a rebound. I didn't treat her like dirt, but I found myself being emotionally distant and not affectionate enough as I would be to someone I really like. Even though she knew what I felt, I still feel like I led her on and should've just stayed single.

Those are 2 episodes I'm really ashamed of, the rest were just awkward moments of me being an bumbling idiot. Thesr happened very often in bed.

I have a problem losing interest in my gfs. Just recently ended things with my ex of 2+ years and been trying to get used to being comfortable alone. So I’m just gonna stay single, and work on myself until I cross paths with the right woman.

I cringe when I think about it. I’m in my early 30’s now, but My first love/ longer term relationship in HS (little over a year long) was with a really beautiful girl. Literally a 9.5/10 both looks and personality, which was a bit out of my league for sure.

I was controlling and acted like a jealous weirdo. If she wore something too skimpy I’d call her out on it and guilt trip her into changing. I always wanted to know where she was or what she was planning on doing, what friends she was with etc. would text her a bunch when she wasn’t with me. typical over the top manipulating jealous bf behavior. I’d worry so much that she’d find someone better than me or that she’d cheat on me.

After I lost her, I realized how bad my behavior was and realized that it was due to my own insecurities. It’s not ok to do that to someone that you care about. I’ve never done that to another GF ever again and I seriously feel sickly embarrassed when I think back on it. If any younger guys read this, don’t make this mistake. It’s not worth spending any amount of energy worrying about things that are out of your control, or because of your own lack of trust/insecurities. You will lose her.

Rather than just be upfront, I kept everything bottled up until it would lash out passive aggressively. Also, being codependent.

Didnt call, show emotions, understand the situation, gave off the wrong vibe...

All those things happened, because I learned what I have to/should do, but the female parthers had much more experoences with those things, thus I gave off a player vibe in their words.

The biggest issue was communication, but on both sides, except they all wanted to talk when it was over and not durring, which kinda explained why they were the way they were and I was just another one of those that didnt catch how ooobviously they were giving me signals.

Not playing those games ever again. Intimacy is great, but being stress and at ease is something I value more these days.

I’ve done the: ignore for playing video games too.

But also not contributing to household chores unless asked. I didn’t get why it was a problem, “if you want me to take out the garbage it’s fine just say so.” But nobody wants to constantly have to nag you to do things.

As a boyfriend I was during my worst moments neglectful, closed off and selfish.

As a potential boyfriend (ie during the initial dating phase), I've been worse. Feigned continued interest when all I felt was physical attraction and had no desire for a committed relationship.

Yes.

We were both horrible to each other and it basically stemmed down to communication issues. We were at two different levels in life. I wanted more freedom, independence and a relationship just her and me. She wanted someone who needed her.

Things really went down hill when I was able to hold down a steady job that paid well. She *did not* like my financial independence. I didn't like her sudden urge to make up on lost time from her younger years when she was burdened with kids. Partying and what not.

It's been near 20 years since. I've changed for the better for the most part. I wish she had, but I still see signs of her issues being present in her current relationship when I visit and spend time with her kids.

Your post resonated heavy with me my friend. I’ve only ever been in one serious relationship and I was such a jerk to her. I’ll reflect back on the things I did/said and I’ll feel physically ill. This became a reoccurring theme for any girl I became even somewhat intimate with. Eventually they would all leave me and at the time, I always played the victim and thought I did nothing wrong.

As I got older though, I realized how awful I treated all of these poor girls who only wanted the best for me. I’m glad they left me, they did the right thing. It makes my skin crawl when I think about my old self and how I treated people.

I just wanted to say I’m proud of you for having the self awareness to look back on your past and realize what you did wasn’t okay. I feel like that’s part of this whole life thing. When you make a mistake, you reflect back on it and try to learn from it and grow.

Human beings aren’t perfect and make mistakes, so try not to beat yourself up over it. I know it’s easier said than done, especially when you’ve done “the one that got away” wrong like that. I struggle with that every single day and it s***s, it really does.

Not giving enough attention when she clearly needed it. Held back my emotions because of that old clichê of "She's going to lose interest in me because I'm too affectionate and give her too much attention, so I should pretend that I don't like her as much as I secretly do and neglect her a lot of times." Yeah. Months after the breakup I realised that's exactly what ruined our relationship, and that the things she needed most especially with the things she was going through, was the most love, affection and attention I could possibly give. And even if she didn't need those, it was wrong of me to censor myself, as by doing that I was not being honest, not to myself and not to her. She didn't really ever know me because all I showed her was a version of myself that I created to fit what I thought were her needs, and in the end all she ever wanted and needed was what the true me was and had. Writing this up clears up a lot of things.

I used to date this girl from college, Camila. She was the most sweet, cute girl I have ever known.
And during the whole time that we're together, I pretty much treated her badly, you know?. I would not respond her messages, was pretty pessimistic all the time and would drag her down.
Looking back, I see how much of a jerk I was. She deserved better and she got it. I regret the things that I did, and I am working on being a better human being and, honestly, I am happy that she got the one that she'd always wanted.



It's not easy trying to get better, but I'm getting there.

I've learned now, and whilst yes I still have issues with my *mother*, she lied to me growing up and I realized at the time I couldn't trust women. My mother lied? What's to stop other women from lying?

I was just a huge misogynist, mixed with being Hispanic and being a machista culture. *I* was extremely toxic to my past gfs. I cheated on most of my relationships because I felt like my mother messed me up and now I had to teach a lesson.


I knew this was something I just couldn't continue doing because it was disgusting. I took time off to focus on myself and how to better myself, because nobody deserves that. I stayed single because I thought that truly I was way beyond the line or I had to atone for all those years.

I've been with my current gf for almost 3 years now and I feel like I wouldn't have been able to actually be happy until I realized how stupidly horrible I was. I look back at that time and I try to distant myself as much as possible, even from people who "enabled" my behavior.

I don't spend enough time to be in the moment with her. I spent too much time planning the future and getting the destinations that I don't stop and smell the flower along the way.