REVEALED: Mildly annoying infuriating things | Vintage Vibes

Day after day, we consistently get annoyed by the little things. From picking up after our roommates to dealing with people who don’t understand the concept of personal space, it’s easy to lose self-control over these minor yet infuriating problems that get under our skin. But why do we tend to react to these repetitive and unpredictable inconveniences in a harsh manner? Is our anger and disappointment with the world something we can resist or even control?

To gain insight on the topic from an expert, we reached out to Dr. Jesse Matthews, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist based in Chester Springs, PA. According to him, frustration is a normal part of life because things don't always go our way and won’t always happen as we want them to.

"People who tend to be frustrated more often, however, often feel this way because of unrealistic expectations. For example, they expect that it won’t take them more than 20 minutes to get to work, so when they encounter traffic, they forget they had to stop for gas or there is a slow driver in front of them, and frustration quickly sets in."

It's safe to say that everyone can relate to these situations, but by "starting out with realistic expectations and taking any of these factors into account, we could actually flip the script and get to work the majority of the time without experiencing any frustration," Dr. Matthews told Bored Panda.

We also got in touch with Dr. Jenn Veilleux, a licensed clinical psychologist and researcher of emotion and self-regulation. She explained that frustration is a feeling that belongs in the anger "family," or, in other words, it's a mild form of anger that resembles irritation.

Frustration is the most common emotional label we use when referring to everyday annoyances or larger issues in life. Together with anger, these emotions happen when a person interprets a situation as unfair or unjust — that someone has been wronged, Dr. Veilleux told us.

"Many (most? all?) people feel frustration sometimes, and that's actually a good thing because we have emotions for a reason! I like to tell my therapy clients that we can only feel emotions about things we care about, so frustration is a sign that something matters. If being frustrated is a sign that a situation is unfair or unjust, that feeling can prompt actions to correct the unfairness or injustice. Anger helps people confront wrongdoing, to right a wrong."

Of course, seeing everything as an injustice is definitely not healthy. "Frustration occurs when the world isn't as it 'should' be," Dr. Veilleux added. "People who feel frustrated a lot often have rigid and inflexible thinking about how the world is supposed to work." But the problem with this line of thinking is that there is no "one" or "right" way the world is or should be.

When it comes to mildly infuriating things, they don’t immediately trigger wild emotions in us. A loud noise may take us by surprise and make us twitch. But our neighbor’s blaring music played over and over again during the night really tests our patience. "Mildly infuriating things can blow up into blood boiling when they aren't dealt with and managed," Dr. Veilleux noted.

A brief scroll through this list filled with pictures that arouse a vague feeling of frustration may convince you that there’s a universal element to these situations that everyone finds infuriating. According to Dr. Matthews, there’s a sense of ubiquitousness in minor stressors we experience in our daily lives. "Traffic, slow drivers, detours, waiting in long lines, or technology not working as expected are all things we can relate to and we expect them to be unpleasant, annoying, and even unbearable."

"We can also commiserate over them with friends or even bystanders once we arrive at our destination, which further validates our idea that these are things that just happen to us and helps us to maintain our views about them being as bad as they are," Dr. Matthews said.

However, things that make our neck hair stand on end and send out brain cells into anger mode can also vary from one person to another, Dr. Veilleux mentioned. "Things that annoy me (e.g., people not using turn signals, classes or meetings running late with no apology) don't annoy other people."

"We all have our 'things' that annoy us, but they are different things," Dr. Veilleux said. "A person who cares about the rules is irritated when rules are violated. A person who cares about social justice is frustrated by bigotry and discrimination. Because we have different depictions of fairness and what is right/wrong, we also have different frustrations."

It’s important to remember that we feel these emotional responses for a reason. While usually, they lead to anger and uncomfortable feelings, they can also inspire us to act. "When frustration bubbles up into people taking action to make things happen differently or better, then frustration has done what it was designed to do. If frustration with ourselves prompts self-reflection and growth and learning, then that's also a good thing," Dr. Veilleux added. "Sometimes frustration needs to be 'harnessed.'"

But when these minor annoyances take the better of you, they must be managed. Dr. Veilleux explained that regular feelings of frustration take a toll on physical and mental health, so always acting on them isn't helpful. In these cases, she prefers to think about "letting go" rather than control.

"Frustration is particularly frustrating (meta-frustration?) when a person feels like they can do nothing to change their situation," the psychologist said. "Sometimes that is true, and then frustration just eats a person alive from the inside. Then the solution is to open a window, acknowledge that the frustration is there, but focus the mind on pleasurable things or on areas of life that you can control." And when you reframe the situation, you allow for more flexibility that can help reduce anger.

Apparently, some steps can help us get through the experience in a healthy way. Controlling and managing our emotions and training ourselves to not get annoyed by the little problems starts by looking at the bigger picture, adjusting our expectations, and being prepared. Dr. Matthews advised to zoom out and see the whole scene, not only focus on the small part that upsets you.

"If you can look outside of yourself, you can see that the person driving slowly in front of you is not doing anything to you," he added. "You are unfairly personalizing their behavior because it’s impacting your own agenda."

So to adjust your expectations, you have to be realistic. For example, the next time you get ready to leave the house, track the time or, at least, add an additional 10 or 15 minutes to your trip, and make things easier for yourself.

"I can’t emphasize being prepared enough. In fact, this can be called practical self-care, and it’s a great way to take care of yourself," Dr. Matthews told us. "We often don’t want to do these things, but it involves things like going to bed early, getting your clothes ready the night before, waking up on time, leaving the house in enough time to get where you’re going, or doing school or work projects before the last minute. A little more work now can mean much less stress later."

"Start working on changing your perspective (seeing the bigger picture), changing your expectations, and improving your self-care. A general theme is recognizing what you can and can’t control and taking action to control the things you can. Seeing a therapist might be a good idea, particularly if you find that these negative emotions are common," Dr. Matthews concluded.